Saturday, June 2, 2007

Complete Invalidation of Chemical Drug Testing

The A.P. is reporting a new study from Rome that may completely invalidate blood testing used to confirm parol violation for drug offenders who travel to Italy. Researchers discovered what makes "la vita so dolce" in Rome. Italy's National Research Council confirmed that there are traces of cocaine and cannabis in the air of the Eternal City. (No wonder that pious man wears a silly hat and always seems so happy.) The discovery appeared during a study of air quality in Rome, Taranto, and Algiers. In Rome, there were clear traces of cocaine and cannabis (as well as nicotine, caffeine and benzopirene). "The highest concentrations of cocaine were found in the center of Rome and especially in the area of the University of La Sapienza," said Dr. Angelo Cecinato. The maximum concentration of cocaine in Rome was 0.1 nanograms per cubic meter. There were small traces of the drugs found in Taranto and none in Algiers. (This definitely explains why Rome is such a popular vacation spot.)


Anonymous said...

Blond Bombshell said:

I think that explains why I like to travel so much in Europe. And when I do, oh how sweet and Romantic to visit Rome.


Anonymous said...

As dumb as some of the criminals are, they could use a lucky break like the Rome defense... I went to the vatican to ask for forgiveness and a blessing and that's why my blood test came out positive like I was stoned...

Boy Wonder

Anonymous said...

California Surfer Dude said...
No, Dude, that's not dumb. What is dumb is some of the 911 calls...

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have
an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm out of breath and think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: An ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing when you started having trouble
Caller: Running from the Police.

Surfer Dude

Ms. Calabaza said...

As a Catholic school survivor, and no longer "in limbo", this news explains a great deal . . . such as the nuns' mood swings, Roman taxi drivers, and lascivious Roman men - yeah, I'm beginning to see the whole picture now . . .

Legal Pub said...

Ms C. You are so right. It is amazing how science often explains wonders in this world. For example, it explains how some less than attractive folks meet someone special over seas.

I would love to see what is in the air under the Eiffel Tower

Legal Pub said...

Open comment to Lindsay:

It is not our intention to celebrate your misfortune. But you were living a dream and you turned it into a public night mare.
Hollywood was full of talk with the good advice that you just did not take. So sad, many said, what a waste: so pretty, so talented. Your mode is one of self-destruction. As such, you attract both sympathy and scorn from the public.

Across the industry, some decision makers have mentally wiped you from their short lists. Most studio's will not hire you until you prove yourself healthy and reliable.
To be hired again, Ms. Lohan, you probably need to commit to being sober. You may need to post your salary as bond, or pay for your own insurance. If you truly want off our Blog, Lindsey, then become a good example for our childen and I will see to it that it happens.

Ms. Calabaza said...

Open Letter to Lindsay's mom:

You have been living vicariously through your daughter for years. If this is not a wake up call to you, I do not know what is. Think of your children for a change and not yourself. This "little girl" as well as your other children need a mother, not another pal. Grow up and maybe you can be there for them.

Anonymous said...

Iron Mike said...

I have to agree with the Pubmeister and Ms. C. both parent and child are to blame. Lindsey, listen to Legal Pub and Ms C. for it may save you from wasting your life. I am a parent. If you were my daughter, I would have disciplined you long ago. Tough love is a necessity for celebrates as well as ordinary kids. You are not the only one who has had their day in the sun. Most enjoy the attention, but remain grounded. You, have lost touch. Get grounded and we will all support you. Continue on your current path and you will be just another washed up child star.

Iron Mike

Viper said...

You need a new publicist, Lindsay. Get cleaned up and start over.

Anonymous said...

Rome, not Green Acres, is the place I would rather be...


Anonymous said...

If Lindsay Lohan had cocaine show up in her blood, she could use the Rome defense you outlined here as a defense.