Monday, June 16, 2008

Ms. Calabaza Makes A Guest Appearance to Supply An Urban Myth of A Legendary Cross Examination

Urban myths exist in every profession. Ms. Calabaza supplies us with a classic attorney police officer cross examination which has probably been told at each police academy for several decades. While the whit is worth reading, like Surfer Dudes story of the lawyer who smoked cigars and then filed an insurance claim for fire loss (LINK) it is an urban myth that likely never happened.
Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust
your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room." The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

Ms. C., thanks for the contribution. Actually, Abraham Lincoln's story of not ever asking a question that you don't know the answer to is equally funny and actually true. Lincoln was cross examining a witness and asked questions similar to the following:

Q: It was dark and you were actually 500 feet away from the victim when the alleged attack occurred, correct?

A: Yes.

Q: Now you did not actually see the defendant bite off the victim's nose, did you?

A: No sir. ( He should have stopped here!)

Q: Then how can you come into the court room so confident that the defendant did it?
A: Because I saw him spit it out!

Growing old has now been set to video music: LINK


Ms Calabaza said...

I didn't know it was an urban myth! I should'va known . . . I love a good lawyer joke even though I never take your profession for granted.

blond bombshell said...

Ms. C., Lawyers are easy targets! They probably are use to such abuse...


Anonymous said...

Love the born to be tubby and mild video!

Anonymous said...

Lawyers! Cant live with em and well you cant live with them just about says it all.

Anonymous said...

Baby boomer link is great!

Anonymous said...

Lincoln, that card...

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this too much...


your secret l.a. reader said...

Maybe we could use both of these in a script for a movie?

L.P. what do you think?

Your Secret L.A. Reader