The news covered Alec Baldwin's anger concerning his daughter's less then regular visitation. While his anger was improperly displaced and directed toward his daughter, Baldwin is the classic victim of Parental Alienation Syndrom courtesy of his ex wife.
PAS is child abuse. When a custodial parent tries to turn her child against a father who wants to be part of his daughters life, it is wrong on so many levels. It is all about controll. The true victim is the child who often does not realize the damage until she is an adult and wonders why she is not close with her natural dad.
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Let me explaint Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
PAS---sometimes called Parental Alienation (PA)--- is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes.
Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification.
It results primarily from the programming (brainwashing) of a child by one of the parents, whose goal is the complete vilification of the other parent.
WHAT DOES PAS LOOK LIKE?
~ At the end stages, the child denigrates the alienated parent with foul language and severe oppositional behavior.
~ The child offers weak, absurd, or frivolous reasons for his or her anger or dislike.
~ The child is sure of him or herself and doesn't demonstrate ambivalence. Typically, the child demonstrates in the end stages only hate for the alienated parent.
~ The child believes that he or she alone came up with ideas of denigration. The "independent- thinker" phenomenon is where the child asserts that no one told him to do this.
~ The child supports and feels a need to protect the parent who encouraged the alienation.
~ The child does not demonstrate guilt over cruelty towards the alienated parent.
~ The child verbalizes borrowed scenarios or situations that he or she could not have experienced or remembered.
~ Animosity is spread to the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent.
~ In the most severe cases of parent alienation, the child is utterly brain washed against the alienated parent. At this poirnt, the alienating parent can truthfully say that the child doesn't want to spend any time with the other parent.
~ When told that the child MUST spend time with the other parent, the alienator typically responds, "There isn't anything I can do about it." Visitation is portrayed as a punishment or chore.
Finally, if the alienated parent gives up visitation, the alienating parent's belief that the noncustodial parent was no good is simply reinforced.
Yes, it sounds like PAS to me. Alec might also have a hard time being trusted, recalling his promise to Americans he would relocate to Canada when Bush won the election...
Fewer Americans immigrating to Canada than expected
08 August 2005
Although it was originally expected that many Americans would move to Canada after US President George Bush was re-elected, that has not happened.
Many Americans visited the Canadian government's immigration website in large numbers immediately after Bush defeated John Kerry in the presidential race. But official figures show the number of Americans actually applying to reside in Canada actually dropped in the six months following the election.
"We'll take talent from wherever it is resident in the world," Immigration Minister Joe Volpe told Reuters. "I was absolutely elated to see the number of hits and then my staff said 'You know what? A hit on the Internet is after all just a hit'. ... I guess I'm happy Republicans and Democrats have found a way to live together in peace and in harmony."
Toby Condliffe, who heads the Canadian chapter of Democrats Abroad, explained the drop this way.
"I can only assume the Americans who checked out the website subsequently checked out our winter temperatures and further took note that the National Hockey League was being locked out and had second thoughts," he told Reuters.
Radio giant Rush Limbaugh proffered a different reason on his program today.
"Who would want to go to Canada with that health-care system?" he asked rhetorically.
Limbaugh noted politically liberal entertainers such as Barbra Streisand and Alec Baldwin were all reported to make threats to leave America for foreign countries should Bush win a second term.
"You just can't take 'em seriously on any claim they make," Limbaugh said.
Years ago I saw Alec's younger brother Billy defend him with regard to allegations about his abusive behavior to his wife. Billy's assertion was that Kim Basinger was acting out in a passive-aggressive manner causing Alec to react and look bad. I remember clearly, Billy also said, "she's nuts". Who knows what's going on here? The only ones getting something out of this situation are the attorneys . . .
(7 years of litigation - due the math, you legal eagles!)
Surfer Dude said:
Hey, Dad's who don't get custody are screwed over all the time. Sometimes, the wife even sells your stuff at garage sales!
Jean Strahan (Giants Defensive Lineman's estranged wife) held a Yard Sale in Order to "Make Ends Meet."
Could you imagine yourself walking into a 30-room, $3.6 million home and walking off with a $300 jersey for $20? Well, that's what happened to countless Montclair residents yesterday as they rummaged through Michael Strahan's home during a yard sale held by none other than his "struggling" ex-wife, Jean.
She sold Strahan's game-worn gloves for $50, two of Michael's televisions for $100 total, picture frames that used to hold loving memories for $2 a shot and countless other things such as jerseys and other memorabilia.
Joker said:
Not to detract from a serious subject, but it reminded me of a Senior couple that might have been better off had they divorced earlier in life.
A senior couple pulls up to a gas station:
Attendant: How may I help you?
Old Man: Please fill it up.
Old wife: What did he say?
Old Man [yelling]: He asked what we wanted and I told him to fill it up.
Attendant: So, where are you heading?
Old Man: To Chicago to see our Grandchildren.
Old wife: What did he say?
Old Man [yelling]: He asked where we're going. I told him we're going to see the Grand kids.
Attendant: It sure is a nice day for a drive.
Old Man: Yes, it's pleasant.
Old wife: What did he say?
Old Man: He said its good weather.
Attendant: Where are you from?
Old Man: Pittsburgh.
Old wife: What did he say?
Old Man: He asked where we're from and I said Pittsburgh.
Attendant: I dated a girl from Pittsburgh once. She wouldn't shut up and was lousy in bed.
Old wife: What did he say?
Old Man: He says he knows you!
Back in focus, Parental Alienation Syndrome is a putative disorder proposed by Richard Gardner as "a disturbance in which children are obsessively preoccupied with depreciation and/or criticism of a parent. In other words, denigration that is unjustified and or exaggerated."
Case law has recognized it in child
Wallerstein and Kelly described a "Medea complex" with similar dynamics in the 1970s. Professionals sometimes described the process as brainwashing and recognized Gardner's description upon its first publication in 1985.
In effect, these children are taught to hate the targeted parent to the point of wanting to eliminate them from their lives. Dr. Gardner considers this psychological abuse and it is the only form of psychological abuse that has clear-cut unmistakable signs and symptoms.
Dr. Gardner found in his research that no matter the financial or cultural background, alienation of one parent from the other could occur. PAS has been described as a form of psychological kidnapping where the child's mind has been forced to prejudicially believe and discriminate against the target parent. This happens by creating alienation of the targeted parent.
Alan Kemp describes the categories that make up PAS: Rejecting (spurning), terrorizing, corrupting, denying essential stimulation, emotional responsiveness or availability, unreliable and inconsistent parenting, mental health, medical or educational neglect, degrating/devaluating the other parent, isolating, and exploiting the child.
By deliberately alienating the child from other family members and social supports, isolation occurs. An alienator may utilize threats or denigrating tactics to coerce children into compling with their requests.
In sum, children are used to destroy the targeted parent as a means of revenge and domestic violence.
An alienating parent will typically refuse to comply with court orders which require the parent to keep the other informed as to school, activities and other matters that effect the child. The alienating parent may tell the children they do not have to abide by court orders or visitation guidelines. This in essence prompts children to ignore the authority of the targeted parent. The alienating parent's goal is to destroy the targeted parents relationship with the children by using the children as weapons. The children are used to verbally terrorize their other parent, to isolate the other parent, to accuse the other parent and to take away the financial or earning capabilities of the other parent.
Destruction of the targeted parent may cause emotional, financial, or even physical harm. The alienated parent may go to court to try to prove they are the better parent; however, this can be a costly time consuming process.
In sum, PAS is not only child abuse, it is terrorism.
PAS occurs as a result of cross-generational coalitions, enmeshed relationships, triangles, borderless boundary families and is child psychological maltreatment as recognized by the DSM under Cluster B Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder. The alienating parent without regard to the needs of the children continually violates the rights, needs and court orders from the other parent. The alienating parent willingly and callously puts their own needs and desires above that of everyone else, including their own children, to fulfill their compulsion to destroy the other parent.
Gardener, R.A., March (2000) Addendum to Parental Alienation Syndrome (2nd Edition). Creative therapeutics, Creskill, NJ http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/gard00b.htm.
[edit] Criticisms
Dr. Gardner has expressed concern about misapplication of the concept. According to his formulation, parental alienation syndrome describes a dysfunctional dynamic in which one parent brainwashes a child into rejecting the other parent and does not apply to situations in which a neglectful or abusive parent provokes actual rejection. In 1998 Gardner writes:
Unfortunately, the term parental alienation syndrome is often used to refer to the animosity that a child may harbor against a parent who has actually abused the child, especially over an extended period. The term has been used to apply to the major categories of parental abuse, namely, physical, sexual, and emotional. Such application indicates a misunderstanding of the parental alienation syndrome. The term is applicable only when the parent has not exhibited anything close to the degree of alienating behavior that might warrant the campaign of denigration exhibited by the child.[2]
Divorcing parents who abuse or manipulate their children may likewise attempt to misuse the concept of parental alienation syndrome. According to Dr. Kenneth Byrne, a clinical and forensic psychologist, inadequate professional evaluation and poor clinical practice can lead to inappropriate custody decisions, particularly in instances where the clinician uncritically accepts one parent's claims. "(Parental alienation syndrome) can easily be misdiagnosed by professionals who have not educated themselves about these situations, and misguided efforts at helping can worsen an already bad situation."[3].
A misdiagnosis of Parental Alienation Syndrome would lead to terrible consequences: Ignoring the legitimate fears of a child. A child that actually feared an abusive parent would be forced to see them, or be placed in their custody, because the court has diagnosed that legitimate fear as Parental Alienation Syndrome.
Gardner's formulation itself has received criticism. According to Kenneth H. Waldron, Ph. D. and David E. Joanis, J.D., "Gardner's conceptualization of the problem and the dynamics underlying the problem proved at best incomplete, if not simplistic and erroneous. He portrays the alienating parent as virtually solely responsible for the dynamic, turning the vulnerable child against the innocent target parent."[4]
[edit] Issues of Nomenclature
There have been suggestions that Parental Alienation syndrome should be renamed Parental Alientation Disorder.
April 14, 2007
Inmates must pay child support, ruling says (Sioux City Journal, 4/14/07),
“Prison inmates without any income still are responsible for child-support payments, the state Supreme Court said Thursday in a unanimous ruling…[the offender] willingly broke the law and that should not free him from an obligation to support his minor child, the judge said…the justices said complete exemption from child support is not required just because someone is in prison.”
I will never be able to pay my debt to society and to my ex.
Angry Dad
Parental Alienation-Please consider being a spokesman, Mr. Baldwin. My heart leapt when I heard you mention Parental Alienation. Those words are seldom spoken publicly, and awareness of this abuse needs to be brought to the forefront, so that change can eventually take place.
Although it may be too late for some of us, it is the children and parents yet to come that could reap the rewards of such a prominent and recognizable figure lending himself to address the treachery that our children face today.
At some point in time, this abuse has to be brought to the attention of the masses. This is a debilitating disease sweeping across the American Landscape. With divorce steadily on the rise, and in-turn, more broken families, this has the potential to become a crisis.
If something isn't done now, it will most assuredly destroy the fabric of society, as we know it.
Bill
Blonde Bombshell said:
Oh Bill get off it. Men get what they deserve. Most Dads are dead beats. Children are better off with their Mom and her new husband as that is almost always going to provide a more stable family for a child.
Dads should send presents, call and have some visitation, but they should not interfere in a mom's right to raise their children the right way.
Shell
Iron Mike said:
Now Shell, you are sounding like someone totally in the dark. You must not have any kids. I suspect that you are not even divorced yet. While I am at it, I will bet you even have dark roots.
Parental alienation should be a crime. Women who try to turn their kids against their Dad just because they want to stay "in controll" or to punish their ex ought to have their butts thrown in jail.
Iron Mike
Blonde Bombshell said:
Let me spell it out in real simple words for you Mike so that you can understand. Alec Baldwin is a terrible rotten human being. There is no excuse to ever talk to a child in this abusive manner.
Baldwins only public words should be that he made a mistake and an ensuing apology. The act of blaming someone else is called denial. What a horrendous act towards a child. Wrong, bad and stupid.
I hope he realizes what a mistake this is to talk any child like this.
Shell
While I condemn Baldwin’s angry phone message to his daughter, I defend Baldwin’s right to be free of PAS. Kim Basinger’s long, well-documented Parental Alienation campaign against Baldwin is far more offensive and damaging to their daughter Ireland than Baldwin’s angry outburst.
Basinger has put Baldwin in an extremely difficult and painful position. Unfortunately “Parental Alienation campaigns" are very common.
Baysinger has waged a campaign for the past six years. Even Basinger’s mother has come out and condemned her daughter, and said that Alec is a good father and that Kim has done everything she could to drive him out of her life.
Baldwin's outburst is wrong, but it shows that he is human. Shell, he should apologize and he has. He lost his temper. But for six years his fatherhood has been jeopardized. He’s been trying to stay in his daughter’s life against every attempt by Basinger to drive him out.
While I may not share Baysinger's politics (Ron) and while I agree (Shell)that an appology was in order,Pas (viper) should not and can not be tolerated.
"Dads should send presents, call and have some visitation, but they should not interfere in a mom's right to raise their children the right way."
That is a horrible over generalization. It is exactly this mentality that allows for PAS.
Simply being a woman does not necessarily make any given person a better parent. Dead beat parents do not only come in the form of the dead beat dad, but mom too.
Kids need both parents, not just one. There are, of course, situations in which it would be detrimental to allow both parents to play an active role in the lives of their children -such as in the instance of abuse- however campaigning against a non-dead beat-parent cheats both the child and the parent. It should not be tolerated.
-Kim
J.D. Mills said:
As a married man, let me be the first to say I agree with Kim. Both parents are necessary for a child's development.
I personally blame both parents and the courts for making divorce to easy. Folks ought to agree to stick together come heck or high water for the benefit of the kids or not get married in the first place.
Jon David Mills
Legal Pub Man,
There must be something illegal about running this story with a photo of worthless Alec, his daughter and no photo of mom, Kim Basinger?
The poor girl has two great role models for parents: Mr. "Move to Canada every four years" and Mrs. "9.5 weeks star" who at one point in her career tried to buy up some small town in Georgia and nearly went bankrupt in the process. When married, they fought against foie gras!
Next story, please!
Not so fast. I don't understand a lot of the mumbo jumbo words, but seems to me that parents should not use their kids to try to hurt the other parent.
Joe
AMEN - PAS is real. I've dealt with a controlling and emotionally neutrotic ex-wife for three years. She's ruined herself financially with legal bills in the high 6 figures and wasted the college fund on fighting a nonsensical divorce all to prevent me from having legitimate 50% visitation. There is no abuse, no physical or sexual abuse, nothing - but a vindicative ex wife spurned on by her jealous and resentful sister. PAS needs to be exposed for what it is - DESTRUCTIVE TO FAMILIES.
PAS is a real and potentially devastating problem. Those that have not been divorces with child rearing issues struggle to understand.
Too often divorce becomes about control or vindictiveness. An ex spouse can try to punish by either financial means or by controlling the children.
Judges need to grant 50% parenting to each party unless it is overwhelmingly clear that it is not in the best interest of the parent.
Men and Women should unite in this goal. It should not matter how difficult it is for the child support clerk etc. This is about children. This is about encouraging both mom and dad to be a strong part of their child's life.
Keep this thread alive and send it to others. The only way change will occur is if people work together on this issue.
I agree 100% Legal Pub. We need equal parenting time or this whole system is liable to deteriorate real fast. Both parents typically work or are capable of working. Let's promote real joint parenting.
True, it is about what is best for our most precious commodity, children. Alec Baldwin may not be the nicest person, but he has brought a real problem to the attention of the public that in the past has only been discussed behind closed doors.
Controll, more than money is usually the driving force in parental alienation cases.
Control is a dangerous toxin.
Alec Baldwin has brought attention to this very real problem. While I condemn Baldwin's angry phone message to his daughter, I defend Baldwin's parental rights. Kim Basinger's well-documented Parental Alienation campaign against Baldwin is far more damaging to their daughter Ireland than Baldwin's angry outburst. Kim Basinger put Baldwin in an extremely difficult and painful position.
Parental Alienation campaigns are very common. They are horrible and other family members should recognize it. Even Basinger's mother has come out and condemned her daughter. Like so many divorced custodial moms, Kim has done everything she could to drive him out of her life.
Baldwin recently took Basinger to court to extend his custody terms after Kim allegedly violated a court imposed settlement. Baysinger's mom has said, "My heart is sad for Ireland. She's the one that's suffering the most. All this is killing her. I think Kim has tried to alienate Ireland from her father. Alec loves his daughter with all his heart. He really is a family man...I hate what [Kim] is doing."
This sums up the danger of parental alienation. Ladies out there, cut it out!
Kathryn Ph.D.
Thanks Kathryn. I agree it is the children that get hurt most with parental alienation. Control is not worth messing up your children. Think twice, moms and dads.
Time for Dad's to voice their displeasure in nonviolent ways!
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