Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why Marry For Money The Next Time? Do It Right The First Time ~by Helen

As I was riding down the street listening to a country song where a male sang "Next time I am going to marry for money..." I realized just how much more evolved women are than men. Heck, us gals have been marrying for money since the beginning of time. An "enlightened woman" realizes that marriage allows you to earn more in one minute than what you could otherwise earn over a lifetime.

The book Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped into the Romantic Dream — and How They’re Paying for It states what should be obvious to most women. It was apparently written to educate the uninformed- (however few that might be in this modern era) concerning "the post-feminist dream." Authors Daniela Drake, MBA and television producer, Elizabeth Ford certainly hit the main point in the title. But the book fails to teach that the enlightened feminist lifestyle is not merely a dream.

Marrying for money is simply great advice. But it is not a new idea. Furthermore, the notion that women can’t have it all and need to revert to more traditional feminine roles is only half true. A woman can have a career and through the miracle of divorce and alimony, she can also have half of her lame spouse's wealth. Urging women to return to pre feminist states of reliance and supplication are not necessary to "marrying for money" or obtaining financial security. Face it, men are generally clueless. In fact, most men are so ignorant, they think their bride actually finds their jokes humorous and their crooked nose "cute." Long before modern books and advisers, mothers taught their daughters to marry good providers. But being a smart consumer of a spouse is not contrary to being a feminist. The smart shopper can be both a feminist and the wife (or even better ex wife) of a wealthy man. It simply takes an educated strategy.

Smart Girls Marry Money basically involves the authors telling us what they wish their mother had told them. While I don't know their mothers, I suspect they told them what was needed and assumed that common sense would guide them the rest of the way. Think about it. First, marrying into wealth is intuitively obvious to every grown women. It was ingrained in our head from birth. (Growing up wasn't the Ken doll always a doctor or rich tycoon?) Second, while statistically women may not traditionally earn as much as men in the workforce, with the help of divorce settlements, child support and alimony, there is no reason a gal's income should not substantially exceed the earnings of most male primates (including the ex.)

While authors may argue that women rarely bounce back post divorce, that is not my experience with "enlightened women." The enlightened woman marries for money the first time, extracts every penny from her estranged spouse in the form of property settlement, temporary maintenance, child support and alimony. This provides an educated woman with the sustenance to secure an even better target (an even richer man) the second time around. By the time you repeat this recipe for success three times, it's the enlightened woman who needs the prenuptial agreement. The authors assumption that women can only capture a man by having movie star looks grossly underestimates the female hunter's skill in capturing her prey. Furthermore, with wealth comes the means to improve one's physical appearance. (Think Joan Rivers.) Besides rich men have the same weakness as poor men... they make decisions using the wrong part of their anatomy.

Stephen Jenkins, director of the Institute for Social & Economic Research, concludes that five years post divorce, men were 25% richer, whereas women have less money than they did pre-split. He also concludes that 31% of mothers receive no payment for children. Jenkins conclusion is that women remain at a significant disadvantage. My conclusion is that those women had a crappy lawyer. In order to hit a man up-style, you need to have a good plan and a great lawyer! (Also when looking up statistics, child support is not taxable income and most gifts from the ex or others goes unreported.)

The authors did nail one point: romantic love is a foolish reason to marry. An enlightened woman should never leave a marriage because the passion (love, ergo) is missing from the relationship. Quite frankly, if you married for the right reason the first time (for money) that should have been absent from the beginning. The reason to leave is because you are ready to move up the food chain and increase your net worth. When the opportunity presents itself, she who hesitates is lost. When you have the opportunity to improve your station in life, you need to jump on it (him) immediately. A woman is never too old to be out of the game. A woman is never too old to keep searching for a better, richer opportunity.

Love is transient. With a good lawyer and financial advisor, wealth need not be! Naysayers say that if love is a reason to marry, than falling out of love is a reason to divorce. Such counselors are misguided. The reason to divorce is to improve a woman's financial station. Take your half and move quickly to the next opportunity.

The book also talks of sex and marriage. Personally, the two are mutually exclusive and anyone who would assume otherwise has likely never been married. The advice that it is imperative to marry young while physical seductive powers are strong is contrary to the position of enlightened women. Enlightened women marry initially for money and never stop looking for someone else with even more money. Through experience, women can continue to marry up the ladder just like men continue to marry younger women under the delusion that they are some how "trading up." Unlike some advisers, I don't advocate sleeping with your boss. That is unless you are confident of your boss's true net worth (or you have a great sexual harassment lawyer on retainer. ) Such a strategy may be a way to obtain job security; however, the close proximity rarely allows a gal the freedom to keep looking for a better paycheck during the working day. (Keep in mind the majority of folks meet their mate in or through their place of employment.)

Advice that men don’t want high-earning women is just plain silly. If your target does not think you have substantially less than he, then you are aiming way too low! Male-driven greed needs to take a backseat to female- driven wealth seeking skills. The Cinderella syndrome needs to be redefined into an educational based wealth seeking methodology. The assumption that the man will still pay for it remains constant, but by marrying for money and always looking to upgrade, men will pay SO MUCH MORE! Those against marrying for money argue that it is fine until he leaves you. After speaking to a good divorce lawyer, these opponents quickly see the error of their argument. Divorce after marrying for money will keep a gal in the lifestyle she has become accustom to. SEE ALIMONY LINK.

Enlightened women who choose to remain married do so because they have not found an upgrade yet. Perhaps they never will. But by making the right choice to marry for money, the enlightened woman will be financially secure in marriage and even more financially secure after a divorce! Enlightened women free themselves from servitude and drudgery and have the foresight to know that with a stroke of a judge's pen, they can have it all.


Anonymous said...

Helen! You have the honesty to say what I feel... yet your columns make me laugh so hard that I cry. Keep spreading the word.

xxx said...

Your name should be "Helga" not Helen you man hating B*tch!

Legal Pub said...

Back by popular demand, the shy, controversial author who just can't seem to find the nerve to say exactly how she feels. Thanks for your submission.


t.j. said...

I want the 10 minutes of my life back that it took to read this drivel. Helen you are the reason that the marriage strike movement is gaining momentum. Your theory on love is contrary to the bible where Jesus said it was better not to marry.


Brenda said...

If it took you 10 minutes to read the article, you prove Helen's point that men are mental midgets.


Anonymous said...


If you want to argue this from the biblical view point, you lose. Jesus did not revoke the right to divorce given by Moses. Further, Jesus said to give the less fortunate the cloak off your back. Helen is just helping us gals redistribute the wealth contemplatedd by the bible. If a man doesn't act right, he better be prepared to lose the shirt off his back.

I love the law...

Anonymous said...

Kind of makes me get cold feet thinking about my upcoming marriage. Someone HELP!!!!!!

Blond Bombshell said...

Helen: You are truly an inspiration. You are one of the funniest in the business. Stay strong!


Scared In Philly said...

Oh Shell, don't get Helen started...

I found it to be boring drool and overall bad advice. Women, Don't read a word of it!

Scared in Philly

Anonymous said...

L.P. This should have been broken into two segments.

Viper said...

Amen! Either statistics lie or those being reported on got a bum deal in court. Hire a good lawyer and get good results!

Anonymous said...

"That male voice" is Trace Adkins, you idiot!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this article.

The whore/client, parasite/host nature of marriage is something men never realize.

Now we are learning, thanks to teachers like yourself.

Thank you for opening the eyes of stupid, misguided men everywhere.

Anonymous said...

After reading this, I am disappointed in all of MANKIND for being such morans as to repeatedly fall for Eve's apple trick!

~Helen said...

Folks: Under the older article I replied to one of the neanderthal primate bitter cry baby losers who apparently was disappointed with his divorce. I repeat it below for your convenience as it serves as further proof of how evolved women are compared to the male Homosapian.

March 1 Anon:

Bitter divorced man are you? Victim of the unfair divorce laws? No, I don't hate men. In fact, I encourage women to recognize men's worth and marry... in fact to marry often. Read:

Get the clear picture of what I advocate? Second, my dear neanderthal primate reader, I have never "driven away" any male although I have driven a Mercedes or two away from a relationship. When I choose to terminate a relationship, I do so for the right reason. (Again see the above article as well as "Why Marry For Money the Next Time? Get it Right the First Time."

I don't profess to offer psychological feel good catharsis. Rather,the help offered is an enlightened path to financial security. Women are encouraged to love men as the disposable commodity they are destined to be in our society. Like any profitable stock investment, the key is knowing when to sell and take your profit.

Do I think this will guide a woman into a successful relationship? If she marries for money and follows the advice, there is no reason that she can not have one heck of a successful divorce. And that, my dear cry baby loser, is what my advice is all about.

Anonymous said...

Hi there folks - I am this apparent cry baby loser that helen is referring to. I posted in response to her other article and she immediately assumed I am some sad sap who got screwed over by a selfish woman like her. This is not the case. Helen, I encourage you to go read my response to your comment. This will be the last post I leave as I'd rather not turn this into some sort of childish back and forth bickering. I will say however, that your so called "advice" is ridiculous. I can of course understand if all of this is meant to attract readers and to perhaps get a rise out of people, but if you honestly believe that the only point to life is to accumulate monetary wealth, you are in for a big surprise over the next ten to twenty years (assuming you live that long). Now don't get me wrong - I am not some hippie preaching spiritual enlightenment and the shunning of all material goods. As I posted in my comment to your other article, I am simply a decent guy with a good helping of morals. The sad fact is that you define your "net worth" in terms of the car you drive and the money in your bank account. What's even more pathetic is that you believe women will actually follow your advice - sure there may be few out there that are as misguided as you, some of them even seem to have posted in response to this article. But the average woman has substantially more respect for herself than you do, and she certainly has more respect for men. Most women would like more from a guy than simply half of his money - why do you suppose romantic comedies (chick flicks) are still so popular? In how many of these movies is the main actress an "enlightened woman." Of course, I don't buy into the romantic love nonsense either, so please don't assume I am advocating a fairy tale marriage - what I do advocate, though, is being a quality individual, however I don't recommend you try doing so at this point, you might pull a muscle. So, being that most women would like more out of life than simply the "Mercedes or two" you mentioned to have driven away from your divorce settlements, this army of brutal, materialistic women who use us unevolved men for our money and then trade us for their next victim because we're too busy scratching our hairy armpits and trying to figure out how to use the remote will never come to be. Instead, let me take a peek into MY crystal ball and tell you how this will happen: You will continue in your con artist ways, marrying one man after the other in your quest to climb up this monetary food chain you've constructed for yourself. Sure, you'll accumulate wealth, you may even be able to pay a few people to pretend to like you. But as the years go on and you start to become increasingly aware of your mortality, you'll start to wonder what it was all for. You'll begin to ask yourself if anyone will miss you when you're gone. At that point you'll realize that all the money you've accumulated from us neanderthals has not made you an "enlightened woman." Ironically, it is at this point, when you've realized that your life has been a waste that you'll truly have become "enlightened." But of course, it'll be too late - though all of the botox injections over the years will have permanently frozen your face in a state of perpetual glee, you'll feel a sense of worthlessness that not even your impressive bank account will remedy. And then you'll look around at all of the fifty, sixty year old couples who've been with each other through the good times and the bad and your thoughts will drift back to what I'm saying to you now.

Anonymous said...

Hi, here's the continuation, enjoy:

In fact, chances are you've already started to feel this way and have already realized that while money is pretty good to have (I certainly do not complain about having it) it, as the age old adage goes, does not buy happiness. And I think you've become aware of this, I think you've realized (or at least I hope you have) that while you may have a Mercedes sitting in your driveway and maybe a shiny diamond on your finger, you really are not happy and you certainly do not have any net worth. Anyway, I think I've said enough, this unevolved neanderthal cry baby has to get back to earning his Ph.D. - a good place to look up the word "earning" is If you do choose to respond to this post, I do hope that at least this time, you'll be a bit above name calling and insults - I don't know, guess I'm a dreamer. I did, however, enjoy reading your articles, despite how positively insane they were, and you've made me fully aware of just how important a prenuptial agreement is in a world where there exist women as devoid of morality as you, and for that I thank you. Oh, and I still laugh when I think about how you vilified a man who cheats on his wife but then tried to justify a wife cheating on her husband in the comments section of your other article...your BS borders on being an art form. Do me a favor when you get the chance - walk over to a mirror in your house, stand directly in front of it looking at your reflection and say "I am a truly decent individual with a lot to offer." I'm just curious what effect it will have on you, it's the scientist in me.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, you are amazing! Helen, I think you should stop advocating that women should take advantage of men. And this nonsense about marrying for money? People like you are probably the reason that divorce rates are rising. Men, I hope you know that there are still decent women out there, women who don't follow advice like Helen's.

Anonymous said...

Helen didn't invent the concept. Nor is she promoting her own book. Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped into the Romantic Dream — is written by Daniela Drake and Elizabeth Ford.

Helen has a similar message, but is much more succinct. Moreover, her wisdom is free. If you ask me, she is a genius by blunting saying what every little girl needs to learn before she makes a mistake and marries the wrong guy.

Tes said...

Amazing how sensitive men become when the topic of alimony is raised.

I agree that men should seek a prenuptial agreement. Then when she says "no," Helen will be proved to be right!

~Helen said...


So you will soon be a Ph.D.? In the words of Shania Twain, "So you're a rocket scientist, that don't impress me much." (Now if you show me your financial statement and a heavy bank roll, that might be different.)

Since you are only a male PhD. student, let me simplify it for you. Stephen Jenkins, director of the Institute for Social & Economic Research, concludes that five years post divorce, men were 25% richer, whereas women have less money than they did pre-split. He also concludes that 31% of mothers receive no payment for children.

To go further, Michelle Wiener Davis quotes statistics in her book, "Divorce Busting" that would indicate way too many women live at or below the poverty level after divorce.

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND NEEDS TO CHANGE! My grandma's advice that it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man is designed to remedy this situation. I advocate simply the following; First step, do a better job in selection of a mate. No one can predict with certainty when the male will stray from monogamy pursuant to his biological urge to spread his seed. But if you select a rich mate, at least you will not be in poverty post divorce. (In my experience, it is generally predictable when a woman will cheat. It is typically when a man fails to satisfy her emotional needs. Unfortunately, that is happening at an alarming rate.)

Second, stricter uniform alimony laws. A gal is entitled to be kept in the financial lifestyle she would have otherwise enjoyed had there not been a divorce. This is not radical, many states have similar laws. Alimony ought to be paid for at least 20 years and in some cases for life.

As for my self esteem, rest assured I am fine. Thanks for your concern, but on my death bed, my children are sure to be at my side (probably smiling at the thought of their inheritance.) And if by chance my husband is not by my side, it will only be because I am a rich widow. He loves his wealth way too much to ever voluntarily split it with me. Finally, contrary to the assumption that marrying for money spawns divorce, the opposite is true. Most men work harder to keep a family unit in tact when there are financial incentives to staying married. A man facing a potential financially disastrous liquidation will take many steps to satisfy a woman's emotional needs. If a woman marries for money the first time, subsequent marriages may not be necessary. But for those of us who did not get it right the first or second time, the third time better be the charm.

In sum, marrying for love has resulted in a divorce rate of nearly 50% and in the poverty of over 30% of divorced women. In sum, it doesn't work. Solution: give my recommendation a try. It may result in less divorce. Even if it does not, it certainly will result in less women in poverty!

Anonymous said...

I have seen a few strokes of a judges pen that have forever changed men's lives. I need to believe that it was not all part of a sinister plot.

~Jay said...

My feeling is that if more men went through the wedding test before getting married, the divorce rate would decline. Here is the test:


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day the 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo... and behold, my entire future family was standing

outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.' And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

Brenda said...

Jay, that was great! Helen, how can I get my boyfriend to marry me after he reads this crap. And no, i WON'T sign a prenuptial agreement. But that doesn't mean I am after his money. It just means I don't want to give up financial security.

Anonymous said...

Brenda, Your attitude about prenuptial agreements adds credence to Helen's commentary that this is a real strategy for at least some women.

Robbin said...

Marriage can be a financial life savor if you think straight before you marry a poor dude.

Anonymous said...

Rob from the rich to support the poor!

Anonymous said...

War of the Roses II!

Anonymous said...

Most who marry for money don't regret it!

Anonymous said...

New book entitled "Smart Girls Marry For Money." Seems like Helen has the literary world starting to follow her...

Anonymous said...

NOthing new here... women have been leaching off men for centuries.