Ever wonder why the bride is smiling on her wedding day? I'll give you men a hint. It is not just because she doesn't have to fake like she likes sleeping with you anymore. The real reason is dollars and cents. Financial security, gentlemen. Admittedly, I questioned whether Legal Pub would publish my position on the forbidden topic of Alimony. After all, no matter how you phrase it, alimony, maintenance or spousal support, it is still seen as a dirty word to most men. However, it actually is an obligation established by divorce law or family law in many countries including several states in the U.S. Simply put, alimony is the extension of the obligation to support a spouse after separation or divorce. In other words, boys, if you are going to play, you are going to pay!
Historically, post-divorce or permanent alimony was based on the notion that the marriage continued because divorce a mensa et thora, was tantamount to a separation. Since divorce did not really end a marriage, the husband's duty to support his wife remained. The word "alimony" comes from the Latin word alimonia, and was a rule of sustenance to assure the estranged spouse's food, clothing, housing and other necessities. Early law originally assumed that spousal support was a right under the fault-based system. With the adoption of no fault divorce, alimony became conditional approach in most states. New York is the only state that has not adopted no-fault divorce law. Despite the arrival of no fault divorce, alimony (in some form or another) is still available in at least 25 states and the District of Columbia. In Massachusetts, permanent alimony awards continue. However, alimony has moved toward a need basis in order to allow a dependent spouse to enjoy the same standard of living she had during the marriage.
Alimony is not just for gals. In the 1970s the Supreme Court outlawed gender bias in alimony awards. As a result, the percentage of male alimony recipients grew to 3.6% in 2006. Massachusetts and Louisiana consider the salaries of new spouses in determining the amount of alimony paid to the previous partners. Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Victoria Principal illustrate a male's opportunity to receive a multi-million dollar settlement in lieu of alimony. (So guys, don't complain about paying alimony. It is only because you spend so much time working that you are ordered to continue to support your ex. You should have taken some time off to do some work around the house. Than maybe you wouldn't be in this situation.)
Alimony is not uniformly treated in the states. Texas, Montana, Kansas, Utah, Kentucky and Maine have specific guidelines on the amount and/or duration of alimony. In Texas, alimony is awarded only where the marriage was ten years or longer and the payments are limited to three years. Furthermore, alimony is limited to the lesser of $2,500 per month or 20% of the payee's gross income. In Delaware, spousal support is not generally awarded in marriages of less than 20 years. In Kansas, alimony awards are limited to ten years and one month. In Utah, the time a spouse receives alimony cannot exceed the number of years of the marriage. In Maine, alimony is awarded for a time period of half the length of the marriage barring extenuating circumstances. Massachusetts, California, Nevada and New York simply list the "factors" a judge should consider when determining alimony. (These states are real friendly to ladies!)
In my view, unanimity of alimony rules should be adopted in all 50 states. Alimony should be left to the discretion of the family court judges subject to a few guidelines. For example, if a man runs true to his colors and cheats on his spouse, alimony should be awarded for life. If the man controls his zipper and is just a jerk, than alimony should be capped at twenty years. Like the law in Massachusetts, Judges should be prohibited from ordering an earlier end date to any alimony award. Most alimony awards in Massachusetts are made for life. Given the promiscuity of men, this is unlikely to change. In the rare case of a faithful man, support should be limited to twenty years as a gal should be able to get back on her feet by then. Keep in mind, alimony is separate and distinct from child support. As a mother, I feel that child support should be used for the exclusive benefit of the kids. Alimony is different. It allows a woman to be kept in the lifestyle she was accustomed to during the marriage, less the cheating. Regardless of who ended the marriage, alimony is exclusively the ex-spouse's obligation. Alimony should not terminate upon remarriage. After all, if another man is stupid enough to marry a bitter divorced woman, he gets what he deserves. No reason why a gal can't collect alimony from more than one man. After all, the goal is to keep us in the lifestyle we are accustomed to living and the divorce lawyers happy.
Judges can be a gal's best friend in states that allow alimony. In the rest of the states that don't allow alimony, legislative reform needs to be broached. Otherwise, girls, move to a state that has alimony and file for divorce in that forum.
Update 1-11-10: Comedian Chris Rock's Rebuttal. Beware of Adult Language: LINK.
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46 comments:
Ridiculous! Get a life...
Best argument yet for NEVER getting married.
Best argument yet for NEVER getting married.
Alimony is a dinosaur that needs to be put to rest.
Such man hating is what is ending the willingness of men to enter these binding obligations.
And what about a wife that cheats...facts show that there are almost as many females who cheat on their spouses as males.
Shouldn't the cheating wife have to get off the couch and get a job to pay alimony to her husband AND child support for breaking up the marriage?
Don't get married, 50% of all marriages end up in divorce...fact is, the human species was not meant to be monogamous.
Video Guy, Fact is that women do cheat. That is because men fail to meet their emotional needs. So a cheating woman is still not the one at fault, it is the man. Had he taken care of her emotional needs, the cheating would never have happened.
Helen
Helen, you are SO biased...
Well Helen, people like you are the reason I have this response when asked if I'm married...and it is,
"I'd rather stick needles in my eye!"
Video Guy: LOL! Join the marriage strike movement. We are resisting the temptation to give women like Helen such power!
Emotional needs my @ss. This is what Chris Rock says about alimony:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAmeW8bq08k
Update 1-11-10: Comedian Chris Rock's Rebuttal. Beware of Adult Language: LINK on front page!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAmeW8bq08k
Chris Rock's rebuttal is awesome!
Helen: You are da bomb baby1 It's time men know their place in the food chain.
K.t.
Helen: You said what I feel but could never say. Thanks!
Brenda
Marriage is a deformed beast that needs to be taken out back and shot in the head, repeatedly.
Between the whores seeking marriage and the whores helping the whores get divorced, it's hard to figure out which is worse.
Again, thanks for the lesson!
Wow, this makes women look freaking PATHETIC AS HELL. And I'm a woman. Get over yourselves bitches!
Wow helen, this is quite a load of BS you have going here. "If a man runs true to his colors." "If he controls his zipper." "Given the promiscuity of men..." With statements like this, I'm not surprised you hate men so much - clearly one actually cared for you but you drove him away and are now blaming the entire male population for your failure to be a decent person. I especially like your response to video guy - "a cheating woman is still not the one at fault, it is the man" because, apparently, he failed to meet her "emotional needs." Right - because, clearly, a one night stand is the logical place to look for emotional support. It is especially laughable that this response followed your comment about the "promiscuity of men." I have to wonder though, what if the situation was reversed - could a man claim that he is not at fault for cheating on his wife and justify it by saying that she failed to meet his sexual needs? Of course not, because, obviously, men are the scum of the earth and women are these beautiful creatures sent down from the heavens as shining examples of what all us evil men should aspire to be. Perhaps saddest of all is the blatantly apparent fact that you believe you are helping women out by posting such anti-men sentiments. I have to ask you though, do you really think a woman is is going to end up in a successful, long-term marriage by thinking the way you do? Get your head examined.
March 1 Anon:
Bitter divorced man are you? Victim of the unfair divorce laws? No, I don't hate men. In fact, I encourage women to recognize men's worth and marry... in fact to marry often. Read:
http://legalpublication.blogspot.com/2010/02/why-marry-for-money-next-time-do-it.html
Get the clear picture of what I advocate? Second, my dear neanderthal primate reader, I have never "driven away" any male although I have driven a Mercedes or two away from a relationship. When I choose to terminate a relationship, I do so for the right reason. (Again see the above article as well as "Why Marry For Money the Next Time? Get it Right the First Time."
I don't profess to offer psychological feel good catharsis. Rather,the help offered is an enlightened path to financial security. Women are encouraged to love men as the disposable commodity they are destined to be in our society. Like any profitable stock investment, the key is knowing when to sell and take your profit.
Do I think this will guide a woman into a successful relationship? If she marries for money and follows the advice, there is no reason that she can not have one heck of a successful divorce. And that, my dear cry baby loser, is what my advice is all about.
So, I love how Helen just proved Anon's points by digging herself into a deeper hole and blatantly showing that she lacks respect for men, likely because she lacks respect for herself. I guess even after 2 or more marriages, she still can't realize that you can't "buy happiness." Don't make women out to be pathetic losers who needed to be supported for a lifetime after a divorce. Your assuming that they become completely incapacitated after a divorce. How the hell are womens' rights supposed to progress when you buy into such illogical ideals and claim such unequal "rights"? You are just supporting chauvinistic ways by making us look like creatures who constantly need to be supported and taken care of, like we are "nothing without them". It's absolutely disgusting! Grow a spine and earn what you deserve, don't steal it and advertise it as a legal and moral. Men, beware of these gold diggers! If this is what marriage has come down to, there is no sanctity in it anymore.
Hahaha, no helen, I am not a bitter divorced man or the victim of divorce laws. What I am is a decent guy with two crucial character traits - morals and common sense. These are clearly foreign concepts to you. Marry for money? Drive a Mercedes away from a divorce? Men as a disposable commodity? I'm surprised you can actually look at yourself in the mirror. I wonder who'll be at your side on your death bed...most definitely more people than you deserve. Again, it is laughable that you consider this "good" advice for women. There is a lot more to "success" besides a fancy car and monetary wealth (though I do enjoy those things as well). Think about my words as you draw your last breath alone in a hospital room with no one holding your hand and ask yourself how much that Mercedes is worth at that point.
Helen,
I definitely don't agree with your stance on alimony. One reason is because you seem to be all for alimony when the divorce involves cheating men. I don't understand why you'd want to live on the money of someone's who's cheated on you. Women definitely should have more dignity than that. A divorce is a divorce. Separate and move on.
And I agree with Anonymous above, there's a lot more to happiness than money.
Thanks, Helen, for making us women look like dependent leeches.
Scientist:
So you will soon be a Ph.D.? In the words of Shania Twain, "So you're a rocket scientist, that don't impress me much." (Now if you show me your financial statement and a heavy bank roll, that might be different.)
Since you are only a male PhD. student, let me simplify it for you. Stephen Jenkins, director of the Institute for Social & Economic Research, concludes that five years post divorce, men were 25% richer, whereas women have less money than they did pre-split. He also concludes that 31% of mothers receive no payment for children.
To go further, Michelle Wiener Davis quotes statistics in her book, "Divorce Busting" that would indicate way too many women live at or below the poverty level after divorce.
THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND NEEDS TO CHANGE! My grandma's advice that it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man is designed to remedy this situation. I advocate simply the following; First step, do a better job in selection of a mate. No one can predict with certainty when the male will stray from monogamy pursuant to his biological urge to spread his seed. But if you select a rich mate, at least you will not be in poverty post divorce. (In my experience, it is generally predictable when a woman will cheat. It is typically when a man fails to satisfy her emotional needs. Unfortunately, that is happening at an alarming rate.)
Second, stricter uniform alimony laws. A gal is entitled to be kept in the financial lifestyle she would have otherwise enjoyed had there not been a divorce. This is not radical, many states have similar laws. Alimony ought to be paid for at least 20 years and in some cases for life.
As for my self esteem, rest assured I am fine. Thanks for your concern, but on my death bed, my children are sure to be at my side (probably smiling at the thought of their inheritance.) And if by chance my husband is not by my side, it will only be because I am a rich widow. He loves his wealth way too much to ever voluntarily split it with me. Finally, contrary to the assumption that marrying for money spawns divorce, the opposite is true. Most men work harder to keep a family unit in tact when there are financial incentives to staying married. A man facing a potential financially disastrous liquidation will take many steps to satisfy a woman's emotional needs. If a woman marries for money the first time, subsequent marriages may not be necessary. But for those of us who did not get it right the first or second time, the third time better be the charm.
In sum, marrying for love has resulted in a divorce rate of nearly 50% and in the poverty of over 30% of divorced women. In sum, it doesn't work. Solution: give my recommendation a try. It may result in less divorce. Even if it does not, it certainly will result in less women in poverty!
Helen!
I think you are great. No where do you say don't have a career or don't get an education. Your message is simply, girls be smart when selecting a mate!
Helen says what a whole heck of a lot of us gals would like to say.
Get over it gentlemen!
Whats a lifetime payment to an ex between friends... LOL
Woman like Helen are the reason why the marriage rate is dropping hard, and many young woman are going to grow old without the prospects of marriage. What guy whats to sign up or a lifetime of alimony payments ? None. Now states like Massachusetts are poised to pass new legislation which will change lifetime alimony law, so its fair and just to both parties, so that a spouse can re-enter the work force and be a productive member of society. We have enough lazy deadbeats like Helen and her ilk, that are freeloaders looking for a free ride on the shoulders of a hard working person. Now, in 2010, manimony is rising, where woman are paying men alimony, and its increasing greatly. Time for equal rights to hit home, and the woman are not liking it. For more details go to http://www.massalimonyreform.org for lots of details and info.
And your point? Marriage is on the decline. Good! It is an archaic system that should not involve the government. Leave the concept of marriage to the church. No need for legal sanction of property rights or income redistribution through alimony. Boycott marriage period!
Why Honey, doesn't a strong handsome man like you want to rescue us damsels in distress? Alimony payments are evidence of male knights in shining armor's valor in rescuing us poor females.
So GUYS, unless the law changes, pay up and quit whining like spoiled little b!tches.
It's all about expectations. A gal can expect if a guy rescues her, she can continue to be assured that she is safe (rescued)financially even after the scum bag male runs off for greener pastures. Alimony is part of our social welfare program. There is no reason to make the system public when it does so well in the private sector with the current alimony laws.
MMy only beef is that alimony payments ought to be required in all 50 states.
~Helen
Helen....you ain't no woman. Your a monster. Men are people too just like you. It's the nice "stand up" guys that get exploited by selfish people like you. In my case, since I have custody, my ex is enjoying a lavish lifestyle while the kids and I all suffer. This is simply not morally right. I work hard and ern my living. I don't leach off of another human and steal from my offspring.
Why so bitter ANON? If the system allows free money, any women would be a fool not to accept the cash. Come on, if there was a line handing out $1000 bill, would you not be willing to wait a few minutes for the payday.
Fact is, in some states, a woman can marry more money in five minutes then she could earn in a life time of working hard labor.
Don't hate women, hate the system. And hate all you want, just so you keep them checks coming!
Helen, I just threw up...
To the spammers who continue to get deleted. If you want to purchase a link or add a website, you must get preapproval.
contact legalpub@legalpub.net to purchase a link.
Girls need to get back on the street after a divorce and support themselves!
I think you'll want to put a facebook icon to your blog. I just bookmarked the site, although I must do it by hand. Just my suggestion.
Gals, start walking. Just make sure you bring all the joint accounts with you. :)
This is still one of the best articles on the subject! Girl power!
Helen: You need a reality check you man hating b@tch.
Don't hate on the messenger. Truth is an absolute defense. A judge can be a gal's best friend!
Ladies, upwards and onwards!
Wow, you pretty much have me fuming. I married a man who was emotionally abused for 25 yrs, by his ex-wife - who is a diagnosed 'borderline personality'. We lost our business and deal with her pathological lying to everyone about her medical conditions, not to mention the many times my husband paid for her rehab treatments. She kept him from having a free-ride admission to law school, hurt all of his companies & still gets alimony. We are always broke, paying her & for his bankrupcy (from building homes during the fall of the recession) & it would appear that you support this alimony abuse, so he can never 'have a life' He stayed married so he could raise the kids, be their sports coach on all their teams and pay for the way his ex burned through money. We have paid alimony for 8 yrs and are refiling because legally, we don't make enough to pay her & never did. Since my last husband was unfaithful to me & I dealt with that, I married a good guy this time.....Now, are you going to penalize him for staying with this woman to save his kids from her by imposing on-going alimony?
Quit whining. Just because this gal took advantage of her right to be compensated and you didn't just illustrates her superiority. Furthermore, your resentment and jealousy of the queen be is very transparent. Let's face it. All men are flawed. Just make sure you choose one with enough assets that you can make him pay through the nose when he gets caught. The fact you didn't choose wisely is no reason to hate those who do!
Put out your flames and stop fuming. Follow old helen's advice and have better luck next time when you see the light and follow the upgrade your spouse program.
Helen
Gotta luv that Helen 's consistency!
George Washington up-married into wealth by marrying a wealthy widowed wife," Martha Dandridge Custis." Widowed at 25, she had four children with her first husband Daniel Parke Custis. Two of her children by Custis survived to young adulthood. She brought great wealth to her marriage to Washington, which enabled him to buy land and many slaves to add to his personal estate.... So men, if you play the traditional "Dick-Dummy role(Unaware-Gentlemanly-Idiot)You will get what you have coming to you through being an idiot. Reverse the roles and play the "I always have bad luck"-role,...Remember, a women's strength, is her false portrayal of weakness....and....a mans weakness, is his false portrayal of strength....
Helen is a dude....
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