1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Viper
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16 comments:
Cute Viper~
True sh@t in my observation!
A dog will lick your crotch for as long as you want.
A good dog will do that
"How many dogs does it take to put in a light bulb?"
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Dachshund: Who cares? I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Cocker Spaniel: Why bother? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can't bury them in trees!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A: A collie-flower!
Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?
A: "Because no one else will do it for them!"
Letter to God:
Dear God, when I get to heaven, may I sit on your couch or is it the same old story in heaven?
Love,
Wags.
P.S. Can I have my testicles back once I get there?
I traded my old lady for a dog. It was not a hard decision once I considered the following:
1. My dog does not care if I mow the lawn or not.
2. My dog doesn't run up outrageous phone bills talking to her friends and relatives about what an @sshole I am.
3. My dog doesn't get upset if I don't want to watch a LIFETIME movie about how horrible men are...
4. My dog doesn't use all the hot water taking baths or long showers.
5. My dog doesn't waste my hard earned money on expensive Avon products that don't work.
6. My dog doesn't get upset when I refer to her as a bitch.
7. My dog could care less if I ball my socks up and leave them under the couch.
8. My dog doesn't complain if I forget her birthday.
9. My dog is not ashamed to be seen with me just because I have a hole in my jeans.
Rod
More than half of women (56%) feel that their pets are more affectionate than their partners (vs. 41% of men), and 45% of women think their pets are cuter than their partners (vs. 24% of men). 73% of female pet owners report they are more inclined to date or marry someone who also has a pet (compared to 50% of men ). Approximately 68% pet owners report their pets make them happier than their jobs. Women outnumbered the men (72% vs. 60% of men).
More than half (61%) of pet owners feel that their pets reflect their personality "very much" or "moderately." More women felt this way (70%) compared to men.
In another study done by Opinion Matters in September 2008 , pet owners are more likely to display a photo of their pet than their partner on the mantelpiece at home.
So basically , surveys of both men and women show that a majority of them believe that pets make better partners than humans.
Why A Dog Is Better Than A Man
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs don't care whether or not you shave your legs.
Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
YOu can tell a dog to stay put and it will!
A dog may wag its tail, it may even snarl, but it won't sleep with your friend.
And a dog won't go to the metrodome and sleep with a stranger.
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4ADBS_en___US224&q=legal+pub+felman
LOL
Dogs rule, cats drool.
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