Monday, November 10, 2008

Blond Bombshell's Rules For A Successful Break Up!

Rebecca Romijn is extremely self-conscious about her body right now. (You can't help but notice she is pregnant.) She apparently is impressed with Jerry O'Connell's fathering skills. That is cool, but talking about her divorce with John Stamos breaks Shell's rules of recovery. Rebecca wanted to publicly discredit the rumor that she divorced Stamos because she did not want kids. Why bother, Rebecca?

Listen folks, there are rules for a successful break up.The less you talk about your ex the better. Here are some more guidelines for those challenged by lack of common sense.

1. The tabloids reported that pop star Britney Spears broke up with her now-ex-husband Kevin Federline via a text message. If true, that is really a bad move. Text messages, emails, Facebooks, MySpace are not the best medium for ending a romantic relationship!

2. First, don't stalk after a break up. That includes Christmas cards and birthday cards. Nothing ruins a special occasion more than hearing from the person who messed up your life. Don't send them to your ex. It is stalking!

3. Now its easier to be the dumper as opposed to the dumpee. After all, it was your idea to break up. Act like it was even if it wasn't. If you were smart, you probably had a replacement lined up anyway. On Friends, it was called "a backup."

4. At all costs, refuse to be a bad person. That means no phone calls asking if you ex is "okay." This goes for Facebook and MySpace. It is rather presumptuous to assume your ex was damaged by the breakup. Furthermore, don't send your ex a request to be "friends." It is uncool and will be seen as rubbing in your ex's demotion to "buddy" status.

5. Take your ex off your mass mailing list. Your ex probably hated your lame jokes during the relationship and undoubtedly your jokes did not improve after the breakup.

6. Another pet peeve is the martyr act. If you run into your ex, don't pretend that your life is all gloom and doom in the hopes of garnering a "sympathy scr*w." Instead, be polite, be discreet, and keep the encounter brief. Save the theatrics. Same is true for your ex' family. Stay away from them. They are not your relations any more. Similarly, don't begin a relationship with your ex's close friend. It is not cool. No one will think highly of you for such an acquisition.

7. Booty calls. Don't do it. Nothing is worse then breaking up with someone only to have them come back for a quickie. Talk about prolonging the recovery period. If it did not work the first time, it is doubtful that it will work the second or third time.

Be smart people, it is a jungle out there. Even in Hollywood.

Shell

18 comments:

Legal Pub said...

Shell, obviously your efforts are pushing toward a Legal Pub story of the year. Thanks for sharing your time with the rest of us. By the way, do you need a back up? LOL

Joey C. said...

Stand in line Legal Pub. I got first dibs on the Hollywood Witch!


Joey C.

kevin said...

The tinsel town magic woman is all mine! The rest of you can have Britney!

Kevin

Anonymous said...

Shell this sounds like you!

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't

Anonymous said...

It was some woman who wanted to know if the coast was clear!



Big O.

greg p. said...

No, Shell is the second blond in this story!

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

Greg P.

Anonymous said...

Shell anti domestic violence program is best portrayed by this story:

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead . Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

Jester

iron mike said...

Come on, Shell is not a dumb blond. Why I know for a fact that on a t.v. pilot game show Shell was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. The host, trying to make Shell look smart, asked her if she wanted to choose the category of State Capitols. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all'

The host then said,'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

Shell replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'

Would be funny, if it wasn't a true story!

Iron Mike

kiss and tell said...

Yeah, Shell criticizes Rebecca Romijn for talking about Stamos while she was pregnant, but I heard a nasty rumor about our Blond Bombshell, I won't give details but will ask you...

Q: What did Shell ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'

Kiss and Tell

kiss and tell said...

Yeah, Shell criticizes Rebecca Romijn for talking about Stamos while she was pregnant, but I heard a nasty rumor about our Blond Bombshell, I won't give details but will ask you...

Q: What did Shell ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'

Kiss and Tell

Anonymous said...

Come on. That is not nice. Shell is smart, while in her US Government class,the professor asked Shell if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Shell pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'


Paybacks are hell, Shell

Rebecca

L.L. said...

Shell has also been critical of law enforcement. When her town house in Hollywood was ransacked and burglarized, she telephoned the police and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Shell ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps and cried. When the P.D. asked her what was wrong, Shell moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'


Love ya Shell,

L.L.

Ms Calabaza said...

Shell,

GREAT POST!

Can I add just one more ... don't drink and dial (not that I've ever done this, of course) :~)

PS - Can I have the leftover John Stamos, I've always had a crush on him!

blond bombshell said...

Wow, you folks in the midwest and on the east coast get up early.

L.L. I love you too, but don't you have blond roots too?

Rebecca, come on, I was just saying...

Kevin, give it up. Brit certainly did.

Legal Pub, you can be more than a back up any day.

Ms. C. John Stamos is still cute. Only guy I ever knew that had perfect hair and still does. :)

Now for the rest of you, I have to hop on to the broom and make curtain call in another 50 minutes.


Shell

Secrets said...

FINALLY THE BLONDE JOKE THAT ENDS THEM ALL


A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, its a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, and then looked at the box. He turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then......," he sighed, "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

nicole said...

Secrets, did that really happen to Shell? It sounds so like her, except for the husband part.


Nicole

Anonymous said...

But Shell, I was watching Oprah and regular sex keeps us young!

How often should you have sex? The multiple choice options: once a week, twice a week, 10 times a month, 200 times a year.

The answer according to Dr. Oz: 200 times a year.

"If you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years," Dr. Oz says, basing this number on a study from researchers at Duke University. "They looked at what happened to folks that are having a lot of intercourse over time, and the fact is, it correlated." Frequent sex helps prove that your body is functioning as it is supposed to. "But in addition, having sex with someone that you care for deeply is one of the ways we achieve that Zen experience that we all crave as human beings," says Dr. Oz. "It's really a spiritual event for folks when they're with someone they love and they can consummate it with sexual activity...seems to offer some survival benefit."

Anonymous said...

Hey Shell, mind if I stop by tonight to watch some late night TV?

Your Ex