Thursday, April 24, 2008

It's A Changing World ~by Ms. Calabaza

Legal Pub: Today headline news suggests that a woman can improve her chances of having a boy by consuming bananas (potassium) just before conception. Women on a restrictive diet increase their odds of conceiving a girl. Who would have ever thought one could engineer the composition of their family by better eating habits? In this ever changing world, Ms. Calabaza offers the following comparison.

SCHOOL -- 1958 vs. 2008

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1958 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2008 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario : Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1958 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2008 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario : Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students .
1958 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2008 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario : Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1958 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario : Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1958 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2008 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario : Pedro fails high school English.
1958 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English , goes to college.
2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1958 - Ants die.
2008 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario : Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1958 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.


Blond Bombshell said...

Awesome job, Ms. Calabaza. Contributors like you and L.P. are why this is my favorite site on the internet.


Anonymous said...

Got to be a monkey joke in the banannas story...

So, the moral is if you monkey around, you will wind up with a shining SUN?


Anonymous said...

A lot of teachers are predators today, Ms. C.


Did You Stop to Think? said...

Wow! Just goes to show you how screwed up we were in 1958...

Ms Calabaza said...

Hey thanks Shell,
that was really sweet!

Jill and Ian,
unfortunately you are right ... LOL

Anonymous said...

1958 was right. And we're screwed!


your secret l.a. reader said...

Well at least todays clothing and hair styles are better.

Your Secret L.A. Reader

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I did not eat any bannas, but I mated with a sweaty ape and 6 years later I have 3 boys and an ex husband.