Desperate Dating in Wisconsin?

Both CNN and the A.P. have reported desperate dating tatics in Milwaukee. Had this thief read God is a Woman, he would have known that robbing a woman isn't the best way to capture her heart. Two men robbed a U-Haul store in Milwaukee around 3 p.m. Sunday. But instead of fleeing, one man stuck around and tried to strike up a conversation with a female store clerk. "He ...was trying to get the female employee's number," U-Haul general manager Patrick Sobocinski said. " His line of , 'Hey baby, you're pretty fine."'was not working! According to Sobocinski, one robber put his hands around both employees' waists and demanded money. The robber then grabbed the cash. The workers were forced to the ground and then he fled, but his accomplice stayed to ask one of the clerks whether she'd go out with him. The clerk turned him down. (Had she read the book, she would have said yes and asked for his number!)

Famous For the Wrong Reasons! Lindsay Lohan Update 7-20-07

After being charged with DUI, it is now alleged that cocaine was also found in Lindsay Lohan's car. (Someone needs to tell these stars that cocaine is illegal and so is DUI.)

Officers believe that Lindsay was speeding and while under the influence, lost control causing an accident. The car crashed into a curb and hit a tree on Sunset Blvd. Lohan was treated at Century City hospital. Lindsay abandoned her banged up Mercedes and fled the scene. Police found Ms. Lohan at the local hospital, where she was placed under arrest" for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs."

Lohan was cited and released. In addition to drunk driving, she may also face felony criminal charges for the illegal narcotics.

Update: 6-1-07 Lindsay has checked herself into rehab. God Speed Lindsay. An Open Comment to you follows in the comments.

6-4-07 Lindsay's mom wants her own reality show. See Ms. C. comments!

7-6-07 Jessica Smith, star of Laguna Beach joins Lindsay in the bad judgment category. She pled guilty to DWI. She must perform 80 hours of community service and pay $1,300 in fines and penalties. Jessica was only 19 when she was arrested in March for driving under the influence of alcohol after crashing her VW Beetle into another car. The other driver has claimed some minor injuries as did a passenger in Smith's car. Expect a civil lawsuit for whiplash type injuries!

7-20-07 Lindsay Lohan turned herself in to Beverly Hills Police to face DUI charges associated with her Memorial Day weekend hit-and-run crash. Lindsay has recently apparently checked herself out of rehab and is ready to face the legal system.

Pro Life Coalition Gone Too Far?

The Smoking Gun has reported that police in Polk County, Florida have apparently issued an all points bulletin seeking the public's help in capturing two young men suspected of stealing a box of condoms. (Lakeland must be an exciting place to live.) Apparently a Crime Stoppers leaflet was passed out which includes the photo of the two young men one of whom was carrying a box of condoms. The public can anonymously call in and identify the condoms or the perpetrators. (yes, I am calling about the condoms... this weekend my boyfriend pulled out a blue box of condoms... ) Had they read God is a Woman, they would have read Ian's chapter on this subject and stole a box of rubber bands too! Remember Clint Eastwood's advice: "A man has got to know his limitations." A reward may be offered for those who solve this crime. Investigate and have a safe Memorial Day Weekend.

Athletes Gone Mad: Update on Michael Vick

Elijah Dukes:

Tampa Devil Ray's rookie Elijah Dukes was held out of the lineup Wednesday night following a report that his estranged wife sought a restraining order after being threatened by the 22-year-old outfielder. (Once again allegations of abuse, allienation and custody are in dispute.)

NiShea Gilbert filed for a protective order after receiving a threatening message on her cell phone as well as a text message with a picture of a handgun. Manager Joe Maddon benched Dukes Wednesday night. (Dukes representing America's favorite past time, was arrested back in January on a marijuana possession charge. In 2006 at Triple-A Durham he was suspended for the final 30 games.)

Michael Vick:

In football, Michael Vick continues to be a role model for reform school boys across the country. Prosecutor investigating whether property owned by Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick was part of a dog fighting operation admitted Wednesday he doesn't have solid evidence linking Vick to dog fighting. There are no eyewitnesses who saw dog fighting at the home. But, 66 dogs were seized along with equipment that could be associated with dog fighting. The discoveries were made during a drug raid at the home on April 25. Police found treadmills, a "pry bar" used to pry apart dog's jaws, bloodied carpet and blood splatters on the floor. Vick is a registered dog breeder. His cousin, Davon Boddie, was apparently living at the house at the time of the warrant.
Earlier Vick was stopped at the airport for having a container which allegedly had transported marijuana.
Update 7-18-07 Vick was indicted today. He faces possibly 6 years in prison if convicted.

Update 8-14-09: Vick having served his time in jail has been given a second chance by the NFL. Vick has signed to play for the Philadelphia Eagles for 1.6 million dollars this year. Next year he will receive in excess of 5 million dollars. Perhaps crime does not pay: but the NFL sure does!

Zab Judah:

And in boxing...

Welterweight Zab Judah fooled promoters and the media Wednesday, by having his father, Yoel, replace him on a media conference call. Judah was suppose to hype his June 9th fight with WBA champ Miguel Cotto. For 30 minutes the elder Judah pretending to be his son promised fans they will see "blood, guts and sweat." (Kind of hard to believe the hype when the boxer isn't even brave enough to do his own press conference. Is this actionable fraud?)

And when it comes to sports between the sheets...

Two twin brothers, had sex with the same girl. Who is the father and who is the uncle? It is an expensive question in Missouri. Raymon and Richard Miller don't know who fathered the child. The identical twins say they were unknowingly having sex with the same woman, Holly Marie Adams. According to Holly, she had sex with each man on the same day within hours of each other. (Sharing, how nice.) When the woman got pregnant, she named Raymon the father, but he contested and in the spririt of brotherly love, he demanded that both he and his brother be tested. Guess what, identical dna... Can you say talk show?

Cruel and Unusual Punishment? What is Appropriate for Chih Hsien Wu?

On a serious educational note, Louisiana's Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that a man may be executed for raping an 8-year-old girl. This case may test whether the death penalty is fair punishment for someone who rapes a child. Patrick Kennedy, 42, was convicted of raping an eight year old relative and was sentenced to death in 2003. His case may clarify a 1977 U.S. Supreme Court ruling that held the death penalty for rape violated the Eighth Amendment protection against cruel and unusual punishment. Attorney Jelpi Picou said "As horrid as (rape) is and as harshly as we believe it should be condemned, death is inappropriate in this case... He's the only person in the United States on death row for non-homicide rape." Justice Jeffrey Victory wrote, that the Louisiana law meets the U.S. Supreme Court test requiring an aggravating circumstance because of the age of the victim.

Chih Hsien Wu

On the ligher side, what should be the punishment for this crime reported by the A.P.?
Chih Hsien Wu, age 43, is suspected of stealing 1,300 undergarments from laundry rooms near Colorado State University. He was arrested on suspicion of felony theft. Bail was set at $15,000. Police have asked victims to identify their underwear. After the case is closed, victims can reclaim their underwear - if they can identify it and still want it back. (Yup, mine is the one over their with the poop stain...)

Hole in the Head

Talk about tying one on.... The A.P. is reporting out of HUNTINGTON, W.Va. that Michael Lusher , 37, was shot with a small-caliber bullet in the head as he slept Sunday morning. He didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head. The bullet that struck him was one of five that were shot into his mobile home and truck. Lusher came home from a night on the town about an hour before he was shot. It must have been one big hangover. He remained hospitalized at St. Mary's Medical Center on Monday.

Finally the Crime Waive is Over

BUFFALO, N.Y. breathed a sigh of relief as the "Hugging Bandit" - the Queen -size pickpocket who put the squeeze on drunk men and their wallets in upstate New York - is behind bars. Myra Castleberry, 48, is being held without bail. (Not literally held, as she is well north of 200 lbs. ) For a decade, the Hugging Bandit targeted unsuspecting men outside bars distracting them by fondling them. During the process their wallets disappeared. While some men may not have complained, they did when she used their credit cards within hours of the thefts. (Don't some married men use this excuse when strange charges for escort services appear on their credit cards?)

Castleberry was arrested 17 times between 1998 and 2005 but rarely was convicted. Most victims were too drunk to identify her. (or too embarrassed?) A Tonawanda man called police to report $238 stolen by the Hugging Bandit. He picked her out of a photo array saying, "I never forget a face." (I think it more likely that one would remember her body!) Castleberry is charged with felony grand larceny. Maybe some folks really do need a hug. Perhaps Viperadvocate can mount a defense?

Update: Hugging Bandit Makes Max Top 10 Hottest... see comments!

Update: 5-24 A park visitor at Yellowstone was attacked by a grizzly bear Wednesday. A man in his late 50s, was taking photographs of bears when he was attacked. The bear apparenly learned from the Hugging Bandit that photo arrays can result in arrest!

God is a Woman Book Review by Legal Pub

God is a Woman... (This is mature subject matter for adults.)

Who said you can not judge a book by its cover? When I first saw the title, I asked myself why Ian Coburn was writing a book about my fiancée. The book is great but I do have a complaint that the cover ought to have a place to insert the photo of a man's significant other just under the title. That way, "God" could be everyone's significant other!

Ian Coburn is a promising comedian who foreshadows in the first chapters his skills as an accomplished author. He provides imagery of what not to do when the near perfect woman falls into your lap. For those readers who are “naturals”, it answers the ill fated question of "I'll bet you do this all the time?" Or "You probably have a girl in every city." Ian provides a roadmap to deflect the negativity by exaggerating the woman's preexisting belief to the point of nonsense. Most women want to be right. Ian suggests that men let them be right. Women sometimes search to justify and explain their behavior with phrases like "I don't usually do things like this." By exaggerating the response to the question, it may create a bad boy imagine in an otherwise nice guy. David D. and Neil S. believe that by capitalizing on the good traits of bad boys (and leaving the abusive traits behind) attraction is magnified. Ian suggests that humor may be a kinder more effective way to magnify attraction.

The book reminds the reader of what they should have learned in the scouts. Be prepared. Necessary tools for every man to have at his disposal include an opening line that promotes common interests. Another is good transportation. A third is good protection. The book advocates being a confident risk taker. Only those who are willing to fail have a chance for success. Being an interesting communicator maximizes attraction. Props may be useful but be wary of mysterious packages in elevators... God is A Woman advocates avoiding women who follow the crowd as they are immature and unlikely to make independent decisions. Not only is a man not likely to be successful with such an individual, but the author actually demonstrates how group mentality can be damaging to the reputation of the pursuer. For legal eagles, a distinction is correctly made between healthy pursuit and stalking. There are too many “fish in the sea” for a man to become obsessed with any one woman.

Coburn introduces the reader to refreshing vocabulary such as “trixie.” Through humorous stories sharing his own personal failures, the author educates the inexperienced man as to how to navigate the minefields inherent to the pursuit of women. This is not just another “how to pick up women” book. It is a refreshing, humorous attempt to advocate improved interpersonal skills and better interaction among the sexes. While the book also attempts to provide female readers with some insight on men; admittedly, most men are so one dimensional in their pursuit of women that no manual is necessary.

http://www.amazon.com/God-Woman-Disasters-Ian-Coburn/dp/0978797957

Swollen Faced Stallone Pleads Guilty

Lawyers for the 60-year-old star "Rocky" aka "Rambo" plead guilty in Australian Court on charges of bringing banned Growth Hormone into Australia. "I made a terrible mistake, not because I was attempting to deceive anyone but I was simply ignorant to your official rules. I feel terrible that my breach of the rules has set a poor example to members of the public, whose opinion I cherish dearly." A customs search of his luggage during a Feb. 16 visit to Sydney revealed 48 vials of the human growth hormone (Jintropin.) Stallone threw four vials of the hormone testosterone from his Sydney hotel room four days later when customs officials search it.

Human growth hormone is used to build muscle mass and is considered a performance enhancing drug. The maximum penalty is a fine of $91,500 and five years in prison, but Stallone faces a maximum penalty of just $18,000 on each of the two charges because the matter is being heard by a local, not federal, court. Stallone's lawyer Phillip Boulten said the actor should be spared a criminal conviction, saying Stallone took the hormones for medical reasons. Boulten said Stallone was taking both substances under medical supervision. "This is not some back-alley body builder dealing covertly with some banned substance in some sort of secret way," he said. "This was a legitimate medical condition being treated by doctors of the top ranking order in the west coast of the United States."

Blatant Malpractice

A misdiagnosed man spent his life savings because his doctor told him that he was dieing. According to the AP, he was told he had only a few months to live. Now he is seeking compensation after doctors conceded they misdiagnosised his problem. John Brandrick, 62, was told two years ago that he had terminal pancreatic cancer. He then spent his remaining time in style. He quit his job and spent his savings on hotels, restaurants and holidays. A year later, doctors at the Royal Cornwall Hospital in England revised their diagnosis to pancreatitis, a nonfatal ailment. " I got rid of everything - my car, my clothes, everything."

Update 5-17: If a man wrongfully imprisoned gets Five million dollars, what should this poor man sentenced to death by his doctor get? The Connecticut legislature voted unanimously Wednesday to give $5 million to a man imprisoned for more than 18 years for a rape he didn't commit. Moved by James C. Tillman 's humbleness and lack of bitterness, lawmakers hoped the money will let him live the rest of his life in relative comfort. Tillman was 26 when he was sentenced to 45 years in prison after being convicted of raping a woman in Hartford in 1988. The victim identified him, but Tillman was exonerated after DNA tests showed he could not have been the attacker. Tillman believes the $5 million is fair compensation.

Life is Short! Get a Divorce!

A Chicago Lawyer is raising scrutiny with his Billboard. It states: Life is Short! Get Divorced! Is this ethical?

Update 5-11: In light of recent statistics showing a decline in the divorce rate, perhaps it is necessary marketing!

Despite claims that America is plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has declined since its peak in 1981. It is now at its lowest level since 1970. The divorce rate peaked at 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people in 1981, but since then it's dropped to 3.6. But scholars can't decide whether the trend is grounds for celebration. Some say divorces are down primarily because more couples live together without marrying. America's divorce rate began climbing in the late 1960s and skyrocketed during the '70s and early '80s. The number of couples who live together without marrying has increased tenfold since 1960. The marriage rate has dropped by nearly 30 percent in past 25 years. Americans are waiting about five years longer to marry than they did in 1970.

Required Exercise

Alan Murdoch-Beeld, AP

Kobus van Deventer sits on the exercise bike he said robbers glued him to nude in his home in Johannesburg, South Africa.

In Johannesburg, South Africa A gang of armed robbers apparently thought their victim was out of shape. So they forced the man to strip naked and then glued him to his exercise bike. They also sealed his lips with more glue. Kobus van Deventer, 50, was left stuck to the bike with super-strong glue for three hours until he was rescued by his girlfriend. While his house was robbed, he did fortunately do the equivalent of a marathon and lost 13 lbs.

South Africa has one of the highest crime rates in the world and not coincidentally one of the fittest countries in the world.,They will host the soccer World Cup in 2010 and athletes around the world are taking note of South Africa's new training methods.

Beauty and the Court

Now that we have explored the flaws of at least one court (the cleaners hating judge from D.C.) it is time to turn back to beauty. Once again Paris Hilton honors our presence by making news. She looks great in a suit and quite frankly has more in court time than 90% of the L.A. Bar Association.

Court documents reveal that Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 Days in Jail. The beautiful heiress is to report to jail on June 5. Interestingly enough, Paris has worked as a farmer and maid on her TV show "The Simple Life." Now her latest role will be working on the penal farm. I just can't help but think she is a natural for Boston Legal.

Hilton has become infamous for her name and relentless partying. Ironically, she was sentenced Friday to 45 days in county jail for violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. As an inmate, she may have to get adjusted to staying in a cell smaller than her closet.

Paris is quoted in court transcripts as saying "I'm very sorry and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry and I did not do it on purpose at all."For those interested in hookin up with Paris, Hilton report to a women's jail in suburban Lynwood by June 5. The judge did not allow any work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail.

Legal Publication gives a special welcome to a well known comedian and author. Ian, feel free to introduce yourself and tell the folks about your recent book. Neil Strauss use to talk about Courtney Love and Paris Hilton. I would not be surprised if you don't have a story or two. Feel free to share anything that is not confidential. Again Welcome.

Frivoulous Law Suit?

Judge Sues Cleaner for $65 Million Over Pants
LUBNA TAKRURI of the AP is reporting a bizarre lawsuit against a judge's local Dry cleaner.
The Chungs, immigrants from South Korea, opened their dry-cleaning business seven years ago in the nation's capital. For the past two years, they've been defending a $65 million lawsuit over a pair of missing pants.
Jin Nam Chung, Ki Chung and their son, Soo Chung, are disenchanted with the system. "This has destroyed their lives." A District of Columbia administrative hearings judge, Roy Pearson, filed the suit Pro Se. According to court documents, in May 2005, Pearson brought several suits for alteration to Custom Cleaners in Northeast Washington. A pair of pants from one suit was not ready when he requested it and was deemed to be "missing."

Pearson asked the cleaners for the full price of the suit($1,000.) But a week later, the Chungs found the pants and refused to pay. Pearson then decided to sue. The cleaners has apparently made three settlement offers to Pearson($3,000, $4,600, and then $12,000.) But Pearson rejected their offer.

Because Pearson no longer wanted to use his neighborhood dry cleaner, he requests $15,000 -- the price to rent a car every weekend for 10 years to drive to another cleaner. The rest of the $65 million comes from Pearson's interpretation of D.C.'s consumer protection law, which fines violators $1,500 per violation, per day. Pearson added up 12 violations over 1,200 days, and then multiplied that by three defendants. Custom Cleaners once had on its walls: "Satisfaction Guaranteed" and "Same Day Service." Peason claims the signs amount to fraud. D.C. Superior Court Judge Neal Kravitz, will hear the June 11 trial.

Update 6-25-07: The dry cleaner not only won the suit, but Pearson has also been ordered to pay the defendant's legal costs. Justice Lives!

License to Kill?

Supreme Court Backs Police in Chase Case
Rules Against Teen Paralyzed After Car Was Run Off Road
By MARK SHERMAN AP WASHINGTON (May 1)

- Police may use tactics that put fleeing suspects at risk of death to end high-speed car chases, the Supreme Court said Monday in ruling against a Georgia teenager who was paralyzed after his car was run off the road by a squad car. The Court said it is reasonable for law enforcement officers to stop a fleeing motorist to prevent harm to bystanders or other drivers. "A police officer's attempt to terminate a dangerous high-speed car chase that threatens the lives of innocent bystanders does not violate the Fourth Amendment, even when it places the fleeing motorist at risk of serious injury or death."

The 19-year-old driver of the Cadillac, lost control and was rendered a quadriplegic. Harris was wanted only for speeding.