Friday, August 8, 2008

Blond Bombshell's Guideline For Determining When It Is Time To Dump Your Boyfriend? ~by Shell

The process starts with a trip down memory lane. Ladies, do you remember when the sound of your boyfriend's name sent your heart skipping? The mere sound of his youthful voice on the phone caused butterflies to dance in your stomach. If by chance his hand brushed your arm or leg, your heart pounded sending a flush feeling of purpose into your entire being. But after these feelings leave (usually about 48 hours) you realize that maybe he not the one. (Unless of course you fancy a childish pig.) So how do you know when it is time to dump him? Once again, Shell comes to the rescue with her handy checklist. If the answer to one or more of these questions is yes, send that little cowboy galluping into the sunset.

1. Would you rather stay home and work instead of vacationing with your significant other?

2. Have the butterflies in your stomach turned to mad hornets?

3. Is the relationship more trouble then its worth? (Cost benefit analysis for all you egg head types. If costs outweigh benefits, cut your losses and send that gunslinger packing.)
4. After a conversation with your significant other, do you forget what he attempted to say using those one syllable words he calls a vocabulary?
5. During an argument do you sometimes wonder what he might look like after his arms and legs were painfully torn out of the sockets by a hungry grizzly bear?
6. Do you find yourself looking for a straighter shooter on the internet?
7. Do his compliment consist of telling you how similar you are to his mommy?

8. Do the two of you cry more often than you laugh?

9. Does he have to be reminded to share his toys with you?
10. Does he expect you to pick up his things for him?
11. Do you secretly find yourself wishing that your man would lose his teddy bear?
12. Do you find your self humming him old bedtime songs like, "...a good day doesn't have any rain, a bad day is when I lie in bed and dream of things that might have been?"
With the success of invitro fertilization, LINK, a relationship with a man is no longer a prerequisite to having children. Likewise, women can sell their eggs to couples for $3000 to $7,000. LINK. Consequently, women can afford to be choosy when selecting their relationships. The days of needing a man for Aunt Barbies wedding are over. The biological time clock no longer ticks very loud since invitro fertilization is so successful. So girls, if your man is still childish and selfish, don't feel the need to wait for him to grow up. Wipe that grin off his face by giving him a boot in the rear an let him rock off into the sunset.


Anonymous said...

Cute boyfriend Shell. He is a keeper. I love your stories. What a refreshing topic heading into the weekend.


Your Secret L.A. Reader said...

Who is that kid? That is a face that could launch a thousand ships... or at least make several million on a sit com or doing commercials.

Your Secret L.A. Reader

Anonymous said...

But who is more hot, Paris Hilton and her energy policy or Shell's cowboy boyfriend? Either probably make better candidates then Obama or McCain. Perhaps one of the candidates ought to pick the kid up as a V.P. to enhance their chance of winning in November.


Anonymous said...

The Kid Cowboy Rocks. But Shell, I got to agree with your list. Dump him!

Just let us know how we can contact all your old boyfriends after you are done with them, Okay?

Ms Calabaza said...

that was great. I laughed out loud with #4! That little boy is too cute!

Anonymous said...

shell how about equall time for dumping women?

Kate said...

I'm not willing to give up my teddy bear so I won't ask him to give up his...yet!

This is probably a sign that he should dump me:)

Anonymous said...

Wow! Quite a good looker on the horse. Shell, does he have a name or address that we can contact?

Anonymous said...

I certainly agree but that boy on the horse steals the show!

Anonymous said...

That little six shooter is as cute as a button!

Anonymous said...

I launched my man this past Saturday. I was so proud of myself, Shell. Unfortunately, like a boomerang, he flew right back and landed on the coach watching NASCAR all Sunday.


Anonymous said...

Is this KID ROCK? Love the hat and horse!

Anonymous said...

when my man started whining this weekend, I told him to change his own diapers! These guys gotta grow up, you know.

Anonymous said...

I would be willing to buy a fertilized egg if it would produce a near clone of this cute little cowboy!

Looks like a cross between Clooney and Paris Hilton!

Anonymous said...

The cowboy is cute, but I enjoy the good old fashion way of conception!