Are Prostitution Johns Just Innocent Parts of a Socioeconomic Currency Sytem? ~by Surfer Dude

Lounging around the beach, the guys all talk about politics. Not who is going to win. Conventions. Why? Because talk of political conventions, spurs the inevitable subject of the oldest profession in the world. Staring at the stars, Surfer Dude tried to enlighten his fellow free loaders as to why prostitution should be legal. While the exact words were lost in the smokey fumes and fine Miller Lite liqueur, the explanation went something like this: When one studies the science behind the bartering system, the element of mens rea (guilty mind or intent) disappears. (My reading of legal pub vocabulary words always impresses my fellow boarders.) Throughout history, men and women have used their bodies to get what they need. For example, Egyptian ruler Cleopatra, created a power base by sleeping with Roman rulers Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. Think about it. Is that any better then the man and woman who were arrested at a motel in Fort Wright, Kentucky for allegedly swapping sex for gasoline? Humans do what humans have to do to survive and even to thrive. Where is the criminal intent in survival? Scientists explain that it is a biological response to barter our bodies for what we want and need.

But Surfer Dude, are there any studies? Boarders are real big on scientific peer review studies. In between all of the booze, smoke and foreign chemicals, my peers like a scientific explanation of their reality. (For example, the effect of a full moon on tomorrow mornings waves.) Leave it to the Big Ten. 475 University of Michigan undergraduates (ages 17 to 26 ) were studied concerning their bodies. The study revealed that 27 percent of the men and 14 percent of the women had offered someone favors or gifts in exchange for sex. (I.e. if I don't got to the beach today and instead do your laundry, will you sleep with me?) Similarly, 5 percent of the men and 9 percent of the women admitted trading sex for freebies. (I will sleep with you if you do my laundry instead of hang out with your dead beat friends.) The conclusion of the study "recognized the value of this socioeconomic currency system." Scientist dude, Daniel Kruger from the University of Michigan School of Public Health has published his study in the April issue of "Evolutionary Psychology." (This makes for great light reading on the beach.)

Given this valuable "socioeconomic currency system," why should it surprise any one that in May of 2008, police arrested a 93-year old man during a prostitution sting? Frank Milio, a 93 year old man, allegedly offered to pay an undercover policewoman money for sex. The cop was disguised as a prostitute. Milio allegedly offered to pay $20 for " services." Milio denied any illegal conduct and is to be presumed completely innocent. (At 93 it is hard to imagine he was intending to do anything besides "flirt." If that is a crime, the jails would be full.)

Another 93 year old man, Carlos Underhill allegedly approached the same under cover officer. He claims he was not soliciting sex but just wanted to talk to the "good-looking girl." (Where is the crime in that?) Underhill apparently just wanted to offer the girl a ride. Police dropped the charges against Underhill, and who could possible disagree with that?

Why pick on 93 year olds? For that matter, why pick on anyone when it comes to the oldest profession in the world? Trading favors for sex is not just something that happens at college or in a prostitution work zone. Studies suggest that some professionals will barter with their bodies. Rocky Fino, is the author of "Will Cook for Sex: A Guy's Guide to Cooking." (Is this not an invitational guide to enter into the world of barter?) Handy men and contractors tell stories of legendary proportions about desperate housewives who flirt with them while scantily clothed. If such a relationship becomes physical is it because of the need to fulfil a fantasy of having sex with a rugged, muscular man or is it just an attempt to barter for services? Experts suggest that it is a programmed biological response. A man who can supply shelter, wealth, security or HOME REPAIRS is deemed attractive and worthy of sexual rewards. So, how can we fault the doctor or the lawyer or the plumber who sleeps with his client? (If he is a vet and sleeps with his patient, then that is another story.) Now, if you are a woman who thinks this is just plain wrong, then date one of the boarders who listened to my explanation last night. Boarders have no clients and for that matter, no job. No need to think we will cheat on you at work (because work is a foreign concept) and you have no worries that we will become work-a-holics and neglect you. Unless, of course you consider laying on the beach 18 hours a day work. Otherwise, go down to the local garage and pickup one of the burly grease monkey dudes.