"Oh come on, you have a better chance of getting hit by lightning than you do of getting pregnant tonight." So right in the middle of a trendy night club in New York I used my PDA to hook up with the Internet so I could figure out just what the odds are of getting struck by lightning. Well, Blond Bombshell investigation revealed that the odds of getting killed by lightning are 1,603,250 to one. That means that if you have 230 million fans in the U.S., 144 of them are going to be electrocuted. That is pretty bad if you are one of the 144 or if you are a humanitarian.
This got me even more curious. With this Don Juan stalking me as if I were his prey, I then set out to determine my odds of getting killed by a snake or poisonous bite. 1,159,354 to one. So out of 230 million fans, 200 of them will die in such a fashion. Well, how about being murdered I wondered? As a female, the odds are 79,365 to one. Again, assuming 1/2 of the fans are female (115 million), almost 1450 will be killed (and of course the vast majority of the killers will be men.) And the odds of blackmail 52,632 to one. The odds of being imprisoned as a female are 6,757 to one. Getting pregnant on a one night stand with someone you don't know would be the same as being imprisoned. (See the movie Knocked Up.)
Pulling an ace out of a deck of cards happens statistically one in 13 tries. Rolling a 7 or 11 in craps
happens every 4.5 times. The odds of dieing from heart disease is 4 to one. The odds of any marriage ending in divorce is 2.3 to one. Armed with this information and knowledge, I was ready to respond to my potential suitor.
My response to this jerk was simple and to the point: "The odds on me sleeping with you is a billion to one." His reply, " Great, that means that I still have a shot." (He didn't, I left. Stay safe ladies.)
Shell
* Statistical Source: Herald Sun 11/5/99:Maquarie University
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14 comments:
Thank you so much for your guest article Shell. It is so great to have you as a regular reader and contributor. Best of luck on your current adventure.
Legal Pub
Love you Shell, stay pure!
You go gal!
Brenda
Amen sister!
Pick up lines are wack. Write your own S**T!!!
Fellas, if you don’t like committing battery to your anatomy, keep it real with us. That’s the quickest way to the man in the boat.
Shell it blows me a way that you read and post on this forum. When I get done with law school, I hope to some meet some one like you!
Ken from Michigan
I second what Secret said!
One mistake could be a career ender!
Thanks Shell, you are an inspiration.
Rose
Shell, you are the reason I keep reading this forum. Your comments and occaisonal stories are the bomb!
Bertha
The question is, where did you go after you left and who did you meet there...?
I actually read an article recently where the guy writing it complained because he said to a woman, "My friend wants to meet you" and she replied, "That is a horrible, horrible line." He then went on to rant about how women are bitter, yada yada yada.
Guys, you have to get it in your head that women make an effort in going out that we don't make--earrings, other jewelry, shoes, etc. They want some effort in return when you approach them.
I think the next time I approach a woman, I'll just belch in her face and then apologize and introduce myself. It's about as effective as a line... Think of it that way; every time you use a line, you are just belching in a woman's face.
Have a good wknd, everyone.
I have read Ian's book God is a Woman, and he is right on so many different levels. I think I used to be so shy. Now I can say anything to a woman and realize that if she likes me it will work, if she does not, there are plenty of other fish in the sea!
Thanks Ian
Jim
Hi Ian! Wish I could tell you where I went afterwards, but if I did, it might wind up on the front page of the Inquirer. No, I guess I can tell you. We took a limo ride to get White Castles. And yes, had any one belched, it may have worked because we were already thinking of the greasy burgers back in the club.
Shell
Belching sounds a little harsh, Ian
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